May 2, 2017

So usually, I write my blog posts ahead of time, go back and edit them, and then schedule them. But today is my birthday and I didn’t have a post written, so I wanted to acknowledge it on my blog somehow. So you’re getting an off-the-cuff post from me today. Turning 30 has made me quite reckless.

finding ithaka (1 of 1)

Does it feel weird to turn 30? Not really. I’m actually really excited. Part of me hardly recognizes my 20-year-old self, the other part of me knows I haven’t changed all that much.

I loved my 20’s. I was quite innocent and naive when I turned 20, but during that decade, I finished college and made lifelong friends. I met Nick when I was 20 and we got married when I was 26. I moved 3 times in my 20’s. I read more books than I can count, learned how to hike, and learned how to cook. I went to New Zealand and Europe and lived in Hawaii. My 20’s were awesome and I wrote all about them last week in this post.

I remember when I turned 27. My clothes started fitting differently and I felt like I was getting older. 3 years ago, I absolutely dreaded the idea of turning 30.

But we can’t turn back the clock and since there is no fountain of youth, I’m going to embrace 30. Today, I’m thankful for my 20s and thankful to be 30. I’m thankful for everything I learned in my 20s, everyone I met, everything I did, everyone I loved.

Because honestly, I love who I am even more now than I did when I was 20. I can actually cook a meal now. I’ve lived on my own. I  know who I am. I feel more confident in myself and my choices and I don’t worry about what other people think about me. 30 feels good.

In my early 20s, I think I was much more concerned with doing the “right thing.” I never really figured out what the right thing was until I realized that the right thing looks different for everyone. That was a huge lightbulb moment for me and I want to go into my 30’s remembering this.

I am not one for New Year’s Resolutions but a big birthday like 30 makes me think a lot about my life and where it’s heading. I love everything about my life right now. I love my husband, my family, my friends, and where I live.

In my 30’s I want to keep doing the things that matter most to me. I want to make time for family and friends, spend entire days at the beach, hike all over Hawaii, cook delicious food, and save money for travel. If I had to pick one area of my life to improve, it would be my own career. I want this to be the year that I dedicate to writing. I want to become a better writer. Take classes. Take risks. Think outside the box. Publish something.

So here’s to turning 30, to taking risks, to the ones we love, and to chasing our dreams.

carolann signature (1 of 1)

14 responses to “I’m 30 today and I have feelings”

  1. Sarah says:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! So glad I found your blog this past year and got to know you via the interwebs. Have an amazing day and here’s to a year of risks, writing, and adventure 🙂

  2. Happy Birthday! I didn’t have a whole lot of time to think about turning 30, because I got married the day after my 30th birthday. I agree though, I am definitely so much stronger and confident now then I was at 20!

  3. Happy birthday! I hope your 30s are great!

  4. You definitely have a much better attitude about turning 30 than I did! I was definitely freaked out by the number 30, even though it is just a number. I think that it’s the idea that I’m getting older, even though I’ve had some pretty amazing experiences and done quite a bit, I’m still getting older though. I love your outlook on turning 30 and liking yourself better now than in your 20s. I think that I could say the same thing about myself! Happiest of birthdays, and I hope that you get to celebrate extra big tonight!

  5. Audrey says:

    “I never really figured out what the right thing was until I realized that the right thing looks different for everyone.” Soooo true! Have the happiest of birthdays! Here’s to another decade of growth and happiness!

  6. Jennifer says:

    I don’t really remember much about turning thirty because my son was born 6 days before my birthday so I was a little distracted. However, I can say this. The ages between 27 and 38 were probably my favorites. I felt like I was confident, I knew who I was, and I was happy. It is not that after 38 is awful, it is just you notice you are getting older and there are grey hairs and wrinkles and other such shocks. I hope your thirties are happy, confident years for you as well.

  7. Jen says:

    Happy Happy Birthday!! I was a little worried about turning 30 but gosh it has been amazing. Here is to an awesome birthday sweet friend!

  8. Rachel says:

    Happy birthday! I hope you celebrate well and set yourself up for a year of successes. I found turning 30 a great time to reassess where I’m heading and take a moment to think about the big stuff. It sounds like you’re doing the same 🙂 I think your plans sound amazing, and you’ve got solid footing to take some risks. Go for it!

  9. Julie says:

    Here’s to 30!! Happy birthday! I’m sure you’ll have an amazing decade!

  10. Amanda says:

    Happy happy birthday! 30 has been good to me so far. I am turning thirty-ONE this year. Now that’s old 😉

  11. Laura says:

    Yes, I love this! Happy birthday!!!

  12. Happy birthday, my beautiful friend. I loved reading this. Wishing you so much happiness this year!

  13. Happy belated birthday Carolann! I can relate to a lot of this as I much preferred turning 30 to turning 20 & like you, prefer who I was at 30 than at 20! Wishing you all the best for focusing on your writing!

  14. Katie says:

    Welcome to the 30s club – I turned 30 in September, but don’t feel it at all! Some days I don’t even feel like an actual adult. Age is just what you make it.

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n=document.createEvent("CustomEvent");return n.initCustomEvent(e,t.bubbles,t.cancelable,t.detail),n}e.prototype=window.Event.prototype,window.CustomEvent=e}}(),function(e){e[e.Pending=0]="Pending",e[e.Loaded=1]="Loaded",e[e.Failed=2]="Failed"}(State$1||(State$1={}));class Provider{constructor(e){this.timeoutSeconds=5,this.handlePixelEvent=e=>{switch(this.state){case State$1.Failed:break;case State$1.Pending:setTimeout((()=>this.handlePixelEvent(e)),100);break;case State$1.Loaded:this.onPixelEvent(e)}},this.watch=()=>{switch(this.state){case State$1.Loaded:case State$1.Failed:break;case State$1.Pending:this.isLoaded()?this.state=State$1.Loaded:this.isTimedOut()?this.state=State$1.Failed:setTimeout(this.watch,50)}},this.config=e,this.identifier&&this.identifier.length>0?(this.state=State$1.Pending,this.timeoutAt=new Date,this.timeoutAt.setSeconds(this.timeoutAt.getSeconds()+this.timeoutAfter()),this.injectPixel()):this.state=State$1.Failed}get identifier(){var e;return null===(e=this.config)||void 0===e?void 0:e.key}get pixelEvents(){var e;return null===(e=this.config)||void 0===e?void 0:e.pixel_events}injectPixel(){this.injectedAt||(this.injectedAt=new Date,this.inject(),this.watch())}inject(){const e=document.createElement("script");e.text=this.script,document.head.appendChild(e)}isTimedOut(){return+new Date>=+this.timeoutAt}timeoutAfter(){return this.timeoutSeconds}selectPixelEvents(e){if(Array.isArray(this.pixelEvents))return this.pixelEvents.filter((t=>"term-view"===t.trigger&&"visit"===e||(!(!["term-click","ad-view"].includes(t.trigger)||"ctr"!==e)||"ad-click"===t.trigger&&"click"===e)))}}class Facebook extends Provider{get script(){return`!function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s){if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function(){n.callMethod?n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments)};if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0';n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0;t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)}(window, document,'script','https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbevents.js');fbq('init', '${this.identifier}');`}onPixelEvent(e){this.selectPixelEvents(e).forEach((e=>{e&&(e.custom?window.fbq("trackCustom",e.event):window.fbq("track",e.event))}))}isLoaded(){return!!window.fbq}}class Outbrain extends Provider{get script(){return`!function(_window, _document) {var OB_ADV_ID = '${this.identifier}';if (_window.obApi) {var toArray = function(object) {return Object.prototype.toString.call(object) === '[object Array]' ? object : [object];};_window.obApi.marketerId = toArray(_window.obApi.marketerId).concat(toArray(OB_ADV_ID));return;}var api = _window.obApi = function() {api.dispatch ? api.dispatch.apply(api, arguments) : api.queue.push(arguments);};api.version = '1.1';api.loaded = true;api.marketerId = OB_ADV_ID;api.queue = [];var tag = _document.createElement('script');tag.async = true;tag.src = '//amplify.outbrain.com/cp/obtp.js';tag.type = 'text/javascript';var script = _document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0];script.parentNode.insertBefore(tag, script);}(window, document);`}onPixelEvent(e){this.selectPixelEvents(e).forEach((e=>{e&&window.obApi("track",e.event)}))}isLoaded(){return!!window.obApi}}class Revcontent extends Provider{get script(){return""}inject(){const e=document.createElement("script");e.src="https://assets.revcontent.com/master/rev.js",document.head.appendChild(e)}onPixelEvent(e){this.selectPixelEvents(e).forEach((e=>{e&&window.rev("event",e.event)}))}isLoaded(){return!!window.rev}}class Taboola extends Provider{get script(){return"window._tfa = window._tfa || [];!function (t, f, a, x) {if (!document.getElementById(x)) {t.async = 1;t.src = a;t.id=x;f.parentNode.insertBefore(t, f);}}(document.createElement('script'),document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0],'//cdn.taboola.com/libtrc/unip/1451879/tfa.js','tb_tfa_script');"}onPixelEvent(e){this.selectPixelEvents(e).forEach((e=>{e&&window._tfa.push({notify:"event",name:e.event,id:e.pixel_id})}))}isLoaded(){return Array.isArray(window._tfa)}}class Tiktok extends Provider{constructor(e,t){super(e),this.useAltTikTokEventsForAdsPlatformUser=t}get script(){return`!function (w, d, t) {w.TiktokAnalyticsObject=t;var ttq=w[t]=w[t]||[];ttq.methods=["page","track","identify","instances","debug","on","off","once","ready","alias","group","enableCookie","disableCookie"],ttq.setAndDefer=function(t,e){t[e]=function(){t.push([e].concat(Array.prototype.slice.call(arguments,0)))}};for(var i=0;i{e&&window.ttq.instance(this.identifier).track(e.event)}))}isLoaded(){return!!window.ttq}}const ADS_PARAM$1="?caf",MESSAGE_PREFIX="FSXDC,.aCS:",ALLOWED_ORIGINS=["https://www.google.com","https://www.adsensecustomsearchads.com"];class Pixels{static build(e){const t=unpackPHPArrayObject(e,"pixel_tracking_data");if(t)return t.useAltTikTokEventsForAdsPlatformUser=e.is_ads,new Pixels(t)}constructor(e){this.onPixelEvent=e=>{const{detail:{type:t}}=e;switch(t){case"visit":case"ctr":case"click":this.providers.forEach((e=>e.handlePixelEvent(t)))}},this.providers=[new Facebook(e.facebook),new Tiktok(e.tiktok,e.useAltTikTokEventsForAdsPlatformUser),new Taboola(e.taboola),new Revcontent(e.revcontent),new Outbrain(e.outbrain)]}listenForEvents(){document.addEventListener("pixel",(e=>{this.onPixelEvent(e)}));window.onmessage=e=>{const{origin:t,data:n}=e;ALLOWED_ORIGINS.includes(t)&&(null==n?void 0:n.startsWith(MESSAGE_PREFIX))&&window.location.search.startsWith(ADS_PARAM$1)&&document.dispatchEvent(new CustomEvent("pixel",{detail:{type:"click"}}))}}dispatchEvent(e){document.dispatchEvent(new CustomEvent("pixel",{detail:e}))}}class URLSearchParamsPolyfill{constructor(e){this.params={},e&&e.slice(1).split("&").forEach((e=>{const[t,n]=e.split("=").map(decodeURIComponent);this.params[t]=n}))}has(e){return Object.keys(this.params).includes(e)}append(e,t){this.params[e]=t}toString(){return Object.keys(this.params).map((e=>`${encodeURIComponent(e)}=${encodeURIComponent(this.params[e])}`)).join("&")}}const parse=()=>"function"==typeof window.URLSearchParams?new URLSearchParams(window.location.search):new URLSearchParamsPolyfill(window.location.search);var State;!function(e){e[e.Pending=0]="Pending",e[e.Loaded=1]="Loaded",e[e.Failure=2]="Failure",e[e.TimedOut=3]="TimedOut",e[e.Errored=4]="Errored"}(State||(State={}));const CAF_SCRIPT_SRC="https://www.google.com/adsense/domains/caf.js",TIMEOUT_SCRIPTS=Number(GOOGLE_CAF_TIMEOUT_SCRIPTS),TIMEOUT_CALLBACKS=Number(GOOGLE_CAF_TIMEOUT_CALLBACKS);class StateMachine{constructor(){this.state=State.Pending}transitionTo(e){this.state=e}transitionFromPendingTo(e){this.done||(this.state=e)}get loaded(){return this.state===State.Loaded}get timedOut(){return this.state===State.TimedOut}get done(){return this.state!==State.Pending}}class Ads{constructor(e,t){this.state={script:new StateMachine,blocks:new StateMachine},this.blocksLoaded=[],this.injectScriptTags=()=>__awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){return new Promise((e=>{const t=document.createElement("script");t.type="text/javascript",t.src=CAF_SCRIPT_SRC,t.addEventListener("load",(()=>e(!0))),t.addEventListener("error",(()=>e(!1))),document.body.appendChild(t),TIMEOUT_SCRIPTS>0&&setTimeout((()=>e(!1)),TIMEOUT_SCRIPTS)}))})),this.onPageLoaded=(e,t)=>{if(this.pageLoaded={requestAccepted:e,status:t},this.state.script.done)return;const n=null==t?void 0:t.error_code;n?(this.state.script.transitionTo(State.Failure),this.failureReason=`caf_pageloaderror_${n}`):this.state.script.transitionTo(State.Loaded)},this.onBlockLoaded=(e,t,n,i)=>{this.blocksLoaded.push({containerName:e,adsLoaded:t,isExperimentVariant:n,callbackOptions:i}),this.state.blocks.done||(t?this.state.blocks.transitionTo(State.Loaded):this.blocksLoaded.length>=this.blocks.length&&(this.state.blocks.transitionTo(State.Failure),this.failureReason=`caf_adloadfail_${e}`))},this.onTimeout=()=>{this.state.script.transitionFromPendingTo(State.TimedOut),this.state.blocks.transitionFromPendingTo(State.TimedOut)},this.blocks=e,this.options=t}get loaded(){return this.state.script.loaded&&!this.blocksLoaded.map((e=>e.adsLoaded)).includes(!1)}waitForBlocks(){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){return new Promise((e=>{const t=()=>{const n=performance.now();if(this.state.blocks.done)return this.cafLoadTime=Math.round(n-this.cafStartTime),void e();const i=this.blocksLoaded.map((e=>e.adsLoaded));i.includes(!1)||i.length>=this.blocks.length?e():setTimeout(t,50)};t()}))}))}inject(){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){try{const e=yield this.injectScriptTags();return this.cafStartTime=performance.now(),e&&void 0!==window.google?(new window.google.ads.domains.Caf(Object.assign(Object.assign({},this.options),{pageLoadedCallback:this.onPageLoaded,adLoadedCallback:this.onBlockLoaded}),...this.blocks),TIMEOUT_CALLBACKS>0&&setTimeout(this.onTimeout,TIMEOUT_CALLBACKS),yield new Promise((e=>{const t=()=>{this.state.script.done?e():setTimeout(t,10)};t()}))):void this.state.script.transitionTo(State.Failure)}catch(e){return void(this.error=e.toString())}}))}toCallbacks(){return{adLoadedCallback:this.blocksLoaded.slice(-1)[0],pageLoadedCallback:this.pageLoaded,cafTimedOut:this.state.script.timedOut||this.state.blocks.timedOut,cafLoadedMs:this.cafLoadTime,googleAdsFailure:!!this.failureReason}}toContext(){const e={cafScriptWasLoaded:this.state.script.loaded,cafScriptLoadTime:this.cafLoadTime,callbacks:this.toCallbacks};return this.error&&(e.js_error={message:this.error}),this.state.script.loaded||(e.zeroclick={reason:"googleAdsFailure"}),e}mockFailedState(){this.state.blocks.transitionTo(State.Failure),this.state.script.transitionTo(State.Failure)}}class TagManager{constructor(e){this.injected=!1,this.identifier=e}inject(){if(this.injected)return;if(!this.identifier)return;if("TEST"===this.identifier)return;const e=document.createElement("script");e.setAttribute("src",`https://www.googletagmanager.com/gtag/js?id=${this.identifier}`),document.head.appendChild(e),this.track(),this.injected=!0}track(){this.push("js",new Date),this.push("config",this.identifier)}push(e,t){window.dataLayer||(window.dataLayer=[]),window.dataLayer.push(arguments)}}const ADS_PARAM="?caf",ADS_TRACKING_URL="_tr",BLOCKS_TYPE="ads",BLOCKS_CONTAINER="rs",KNOWN_CAF_PARAMS=["caf","query","afdToken","pcsa","nb","nm","nx","ny","is","clkt"];class Google{static build({pageOptions:e,preferredLanguage:t,blocks:n,googleAnalytics:i},s,a){let o={};e&&(o=Object.assign({},e),o.hl||(o.hl=t));let r=null==e?void 0:e.resultsPageBaseUrl;return new Google(s.uuid,n,o,i,r)}constructor(e,t,n,i,s){this._blocks=t,this._pageOptions=n,this.uuid=e,this.baseURL=s,this.ads=new Ads(this.blocks,this.pageOptions),this.tagManager=new TagManager(i)}injectTagManager(){this.tagManager.inject()}injectAds(){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){yield this.ads.inject()}))}waitForBlocks(){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){return this.ads.waitForBlocks()}))}get blocks(){return(this._blocks||[]).filter((e=>this.wantsToServeAds?e.type===BLOCKS_TYPE:e.container===BLOCKS_CONTAINER)).map((e=>{const t=parse(),n=Object.assign({},e);return n.resultsPageBaseUrl=`${this.baseURL}${ADS_PARAM}&${t.toString()}`,this.wantsToServeAds&&(t.append("click","true"),t.append("session",this.uuid),n.clicktrackUrl=`${TRACKING_DOMAIN}${ADS_TRACKING_URL}/?${t.toString()}`),n}))}get pageOptions(){const e=Object.assign({},this._pageOptions);return Object.keys(this._pageOptions).forEach((t=>{t.startsWith("bodis")&&delete e[t]})),e}get cannotLoadAds(){return!this.ads.loaded}get wantsToServeAds(){return window.location.search.startsWith(ADS_PARAM)}get adsMode(){return this.ads.loaded&&this.wantsToServeAds}get adsReady(){return this.wantsToServeAds&&!this.cannotLoadAds}get noAdsRedirectUrl(){const e=new URLSearchParams(window.location.search);return KNOWN_CAF_PARAMS.forEach((t=>e.delete(t))),`${window.location.origin}?${e.toString()}`}get callbacks(){return this.ads.toCallbacks()}toContext(){return Object.assign({blocks:this.blocks,pageOptions:this.pageOptions},this.ads.toContext())}}class CookieConsentManager{constructor(){this.injectScriptTag=()=>__awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){return new Promise((e=>{const t=document.createElement("script");t.setAttribute("src",COOKIE_CONSENT_JS_URL),t.addEventListener("load",(()=>this.awaitConsent(e))),t.addEventListener("error",(()=>e(!1))),document.head.appendChild(t)}))}))}inject(){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){this.injected||!COOKIE_CONSENT_JS_URL||isLocal()||(this.injected=yield this.injectScriptTag())}))}awaitConsent(e){let t=0;const n=setInterval((()=>{t+=1,20===t&&(clearInterval(n),e(!0)),void 0!==window.__tcfapi&&(window.addEventListener("ConsentActivity",(t=>{const{detail:{status:n}}=t;n&&e(!0)})),clearInterval(n))}),50)}}class App{main(){var e;return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){if(this.parkResponse=decode(),this.findDomainResponse=yield getFindDomain(),!this.findDomainResponse)throw new Error("Domain failed to load.");this.pixels=Pixels.build(this.findDomainResponse),null===(e=this.pixels)||void 0===e||e.listenForEvents(),this.adblock=new Adblock,yield this.adblock.inject(),this.google=Google.build(this.findDomainResponse,this.parkResponse,this.adblock),this.google.injectTagManager();const t=Parking.build(this.findDomainResponse,this.google);Render.prerender(t),this.cookieConsentManager=new CookieConsentManager,yield this.cookieConsentManager.inject();let n=Failed.cannotPark(this.findDomainResponse);if(n)return void(yield this.transitionToFailed(n));yield this.google.injectAds();const i=Disabled.build(this.findDomainResponse,this.adblock.state);if(i)return void(yield this.transitionToDisabled(i));const s=Sales.build(this.findDomainResponse);if(s)return void(yield this.transitionToSales(s));this.eligibleForZeroClick&&(this.zeroClickResponse=yield getZeroClick(this.context));const a=Redirect.build(this.findDomainResponse,this.zeroClickResponse,this.google);a?yield this.transitionToRedirect(a):(n=Failed.noSponsors(this.google),n?yield this.transitionToFailed(n):yield this.transitionToParking(t))}))}transitionToParking(e){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){this.state=e,Render.template(e),Render.revealPage(),yield this.google.waitForBlocks(),yield this.track()}))}transitionToRedirect(e){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){this.state=e;const t=this.track();Render.revealPage(),yield waiter(e.delay,(e=>Render.loading(e))),yield t,window.location.href=e.url,log(`➡ Redirecting [${e.url}]`)}))}transitionToFailed(e){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){this.state=e,Render.message(e.message),Render.revealPage(),yield this.track()}))}transitionToSales(e){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){this.state=e,e.init(this.context),yield this.track()}))}transitionToDisabled(e){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){this.state=e,Render.message(e.message),Render.revealPage(),yield this.track()}))}track(){var e;return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){if(!this.state.track)return Promise.resolve();try{const t=this.state.trackingType;return null===(e=this.pixels)||void 0===e||e.dispatchEvent({type:t}),trackVisit({context:this.context,callbacks:this.google.callbacks},t)}catch(e){return}}))}get eligibleForZeroClick(){const{cannotPark:e,canZeroClick:t,zeroClick:n}=this.findDomainResponse,{cannotLoadAds:i,wantsToServeAds:s}=this.google;return!!t&&(!!e||(!(!i||s)||!!(null==n?void 0:n.reason)))}get context(){var e,t,n,i;const s=this.findDomainResponse,a=this.parkResponse,o=null===(e=this.state)||void 0===e?void 0:e.toContext(),r=null===(t=this.adblock)||void 0===t?void 0:t.toContext(),d=null===(n=this.google)||void 0===n?void 0:n.toContext(),c=browserState(),l=Object.assign(Object.assign({},null===(i=this.findDomainResponse)||void 0===i?void 0:i.zeroClick),this.zeroClickResponse);return Object.assign(Object.assign(Object.assign(Object.assign(Object.assign(Object.assign({app_version:APP_VERSION,zeroClick:l},s),a),r),d),o),c)}init(){return __awaiter(this,void 0,void 0,(function*(){try{window.__parkour=this,yield this.main()}catch(e){console.error("app",e);const t=Failed.fromError(e);this.state=t,Render.message(t.message),Render.revealPage()}}))}}(new App).init(),exports.App=App}));