I'm Carolann! I'm a military spouse and new mom currently calling the DC area home. Finding Ithaka is all about the journey and about finding yourself.

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I’m 39 weeks pregnant and I’m having so many feelings about it. I am so excited to meet this little one, the person who will complete our family.

I am incredibly thankful that I made it this far in my pregnancy. When I was pregnant with M, I really didn’t let myself get too excited because I was terrified of something happening. This time around, I decided to get my hopes up, to let myself get excited. I had so much fun preparing for the baby with M, reading her books about the baby and showing her how we would take care of the baby. I let myself enjoy putting together the baby’s nursery. I crocheted three blankets and a bunch of hats. I let myself nest like crazy.

But I’m also nervous for the fourth trimester. I’ve prepared so much – my home, my mental space, freezer meals, setting up visitors/helpers… but I still know it will take a huge toll on me. I don’t do well with lack of sleep.

With my first, I felt like all I could focus on was how much sleep I was getting. I was terrified of being alone with her and unable to stay awake. I felt like I could not do anything if I had a free minute but lay down. But then I blinked and she’s 2.5. This time, I hope to just remember something a friend told me when I was rocking M in the middle of the night: “thankfully, sadly, it passes.”

I’ve thought about that a lot. This time around, I hope to just keep reminding myself that this phase is overall so short. And that it will be my last baby to rock in the middle of the night. And that the middle of the night will be the only time I have alone with her.

I’m worried about how M will handle the transition and how I will manage being a stay at home mom to two babies. They both will need me so much and I am just one person. But I also see how sweet and caring and loving M is. She recently started wanting to help with everything. Yesterday I was cleaning the floor and she said “Can I try?” So I let her help me. She’s very into helping me any way she can so I think she will want to be a help to her little sister. I also think she will love to hold and snuggle with her.

I hope that even though this baby won’t get as much attention that M got, she will benefit from the lessons I learned with M. I hope to be a bit more laid back and just take each day as it comes without placing too many expectations on myself. I hope to be kinder to myself.

With M I tried to do everything “right,” and while I obviously still want to do everything right, I’m not going to do things like push myself to breastfeed if it’s not working. I didn’t let M really watch TV until I was pregnant (aside from long car rides). This time, I’m not going to worry if we have screen time if it gives me a minute to breathe. I’m going to remember that a happy mom is what makes happy kids and I’m going to do everything I can to protect my mental health because it really suffered the first time around.

This pregnancy has been so hard but the whole time, thinking about the moment I will meet my little girl has been what’s getting me through. Now that I’m almost there, I can hardly believe it. She will be here any day, any minute now.

Any tips on handling two little ones and/or about the transition? Much appreciated!!