July 25, 2018

The last time Nick was on a submarine, I lived in New York while he lived in Washington (state). At the time it was the right decision for us. I know that some military spouses choose to move back in with family during deployment and I think that is an awesome option to consider, especially if it’s a long deployment, you have young kids, and/or you don’t have a good support system where you are stationed. Or maybe you just don’t like where you are stationed and deployment is a great excuse to move back home and spend some time with family.

I feel like I received a lot of judgment, especially from other military spouses, when I didn’t live where Nick was stationed. I’m not saying that I think it’s better to stay put or to move back home. I think that both are awesome choices. For this deployment, it made more sense for me to stay in Hawaii. I am getting to spend about a month in New York visiting my family. I think that this is the perfect balance although I already feel like it’s not long enough. It never is, though.

My life is in Hawaii

There’s a reason why I put “home” in quotation marks. My home is in Hawaii. I don’t have a job but I have other important responsibilities. I have two roles that I volunteer in at the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society. I finally have my workout routine. I have my apartment and my cars and I can’t just abandon all of that for 6 months. I need to take care of my home that we pay a ton of money to live in.

Also, it’s Hawaii! Why wouldn’t I want to be there?

I don’t want to miss out.

When I lived in New York, I missed out on FRG meetings, meaning, I missed out on getting information that you can only get in person. If I lived in New York, I would not have been able to go to Guam. Living in Hawaii enabled me to travel for free to visit Nick on a port call, and to get the information and paperwork I needed to go. Information is power, especially during a submarine deployment when you can’t talk to your spouse and everything is secret.

I don’t want to miss out on the camaraderie of the other spouses. In Hawaii, my girlfriends and I had a sleepover the night the boat deployed and we celebrate milestones during deployment. We get together to cook dinner during the week and the question is never, “are you free this weekend?” It’s “what are we doing this weekend?” Having the support of my friends who are literally in the same boat makes the time go by and makes it a lot more fun.

I love visitors

I totally believe that Hawaii is a great place to be during deployment. It’s always warm, there is so much to do, and if I’m sad, the beach will always make me feel better. By the time deployment is over, I’ll have had 6 sets of visitors come! I love that I can share paradise with my friends and family from New York.

Did you ever move home for deployment?

10 responses to “Why I didn’t move “home” for deployment”

  1. I’m so proud of you, friend!!

  2. Holly says:

    I think it’s wonderful that you chose to stay in Hawaii for his deployment! You made a life for yourself there, you should enjoy it, and you clearly are!! 🙂

  3. Lauren says:

    I think it’s great that you stayed in Hawaii! And you’re right, it’s easy to get people to visit you when you live in such a great vacation destination!

  4. Nadine says:

    I think you are right where you need to be. And yes, the beach can always cheer you up!

  5. Sarah says:

    That sucks that the other military spouses judged you during the last deployment when you lived at home. Like you say it sounds like it really depends on personal circumstances what the best decision is for you in terms of where to live. I’m glad you feel like you made the right decision though!

  6. Jen says:

    I never once considering moving back in with family when Kyle was deployed. It was just something that I didn’t want to do and for the same reasons as you listed. We had a life where we were stationed and it was our home. I wasn’t about to uproot myself for that time. I was able to visit family a lot and that helped.

  7. Audrey says:

    I think it’s wonderful that you’ve opted to stay in Hawaii this time! Now that you’ve done it both ways during deployment you’re even more of a role model for new military spouses! And who wouldn’t wanna be in Hawaii??! Your support system there sounds so special. You’re doing an awesome job during these tough months!

  8. Julie says:

    You gotta do what is right for you…! I’ve gone through one and a half deployments and as I was just a girlfriend and not living with my sailor – and in a whole different country all together, I never had the option. And little did I realize the support system that is available and information that is given! And yeah, who wouldn’t want to be in Hawaii? You’re rocking this deployment, girl!!

  9. Emma says:

    I absolutely hear you! Home is where is heart it!!

  10. Emma says:

    I absolutely hear you – home is definitely where is heart is!

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