February 20, 2019

We’ve been in DC for two weeks now. I was so ready to finally get here after being nomadic for two months. But now that I am here, I can’t help but feel a little down.

We left Hawaii and went straight to California to visit Nick’s family and friends. We hadn’t seen his family in about 2.5 years so it was really great to spend some time with everyone. His family and friends live all over California so we did a road trip and stayed in a few different places. It was also a great way to spend the time while we waited for our stuff to get to DC. We were there for two weeks and every second was jam-packed with friends, family, and awesome food. It was such a beautiful trip.

Our stuff ended up getting to DC before us, which is exactly what we wanted. We got to DC on Thursday night, signed a lease on Friday morning, and on Monday everything was delivered. We got really lucky and didn’t have any damage aside from one broken floor lamp. Another plus, Nick was able to take two days off of work to help with the moving. We still have boxes and piles everywhere, but we like to get settled slowly and make sure we have everything organized the way we like it. It’s chaos right now but every day is getting better.

Once the adrenaline of our trips and signing the lease and having the movers come wore off I think is when it hit me that I live here in DC now. The chapter of my life with the most incredible friends, living in the most beautiful place, is over now. I feel like I am in a mourning period for Hawaii. I wanted to come to DC, I asked the military to send us here, and I know it’s the right place for us.

But it doesn’t feel like home. I need to meet people and find my tribe, but that takes time. It takes time to meet people and build the kind of friendships that I spent the last 2.5 years in Hawaii building. It takes time to find your favorite coffee shops and restaurants. It takes time to make a new house feel like a home. Plus. it’s hard to feel like you’re home when your home isn’t even set up yet.

The general military spouse rule is that you have to give yourself 6 months for a new place to feel like home. So, I know that if I’m a little down two weeks after getting here, it will get better. But right now, it’s hard being cold and having my stuff everywhere and not being settled and not knowing anyone. I miss Hawaii. I miss my friends. I miss my coffee shops and restaurants and library and favorite spots to go to the beach. I miss the place that I volunteered and my old apartment. I miss the food and the culture and the weather.

I feel like I post a lot about the fun/glamorous side of being a military spouse – homecomings, traveling, living in Hawaii. I just wanted to share that it’s not always fun and glamorous being a military spouse. Sometimes it just sucks and there’s nothing you can do but give it time.

10 responses to “We live here now.”

  1. Jen says:

    Yes to this! It’s so hard sometimes to acclimate to a place even when it’s somewhere you want to be. Sending lots of hugs your way!

  2. Rachel G says:

    We cannot underestimate how tough leaving a home and trying to settle into a new one can be on the heart! It’s not easy. Even with the challenges of living where we do, when I think about possibly needing to move someday…I don’t know how I would be able to say goodbye. We’ve lived in three countries in our marriage….leaving is never easy! And neither is calling a place “home” that doesn’t feel like it yet.

  3. Joyce says:

    Let yourself mourn. Love you.

  4. Audrey says:

    I can’t imagine making the shift from Hawaii to DC, especially in the dead of winter. It takes a tough human to live in this quadrant of the country at this time of year. But you ARE a tough human and it will get better and you will find your people and your coffee shop and your museums and libraries and parks. But right now mourn all you want <3 You suffered a loss and a huge change and it's perfectly normal to feel all that. Eventually you'll come out of this sad haze and DC will seem cozy and homey, but for now it's ok to feel a little out of sorts <3

  5. Sarah says:

    Oh Carolann! Well first of all, I’m glad you made it safely and avoided any mold in the moving process! But secondly, I can totally relate to your current feelings. I think it’s really accentuated when you move away from a place you LOVE. It’s hard not to compare your new place to the old one. I know I definitely felt that way both times I moved away from England. It does get better with time, but for me at least there is always that dull ache where you miss your former home, and not just your home but that time in your life. I hope your new home starts to feel more, well, home-y with time though 🙂

  6. Jamie says:

    Girl, be you and be honest! Moving is hard, even when it is something you wanted. Be gracious with yourself in the transition period and allow yourself to be sad while you adjust. Hoping that DC feels like home ASAP!

  7. Aw, that had to have been such a tough move! I’m sorry it’s been a struggle. You should try and find the local library soon… might make it feel more home-y for you (says the librarian). Good luck with everything!

  8. Katie says:

    Congrats on a successful move – that’s always the most stressful for me! You’re right about it taking time to put down roots again, but you will make friends in no time. DC is wonderful for exploring.

  9. I use to live in Hawaii, and it gets in your soul and never leaves. I don’t even know how many times I’ve moved, around 15, and Hawaii is different. I’ve loved everywhere I’ve lived, but I still think about Hawaii every day.

  10. Kari says:

    We just found out we’re being stationed in DC also! We’re arriving in June ’19, but since we lived there previously we have some ideas already of places we want to revisit. It’s really an awesome place to live, with so many free activities and educational experiences. But I totally get how hard it is to just pick ip and move to a new place and call it “home.” I hope everything goes well for you as you settle in and that you grow to love the area!

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